We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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