Screwed.edu
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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