Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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