Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
