My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
