My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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