thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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