An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
