Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
