This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
