I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
