Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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