Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
