happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
