I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
