don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
