Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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