A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
