This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
