This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All the doctor said was why
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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