got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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