Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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