oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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