I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
