would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
