You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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