I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
