I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
