I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
