Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
