OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
