last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
