Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
