Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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