It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
