and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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