I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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