he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
