I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
