Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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