You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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