i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
