my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
soo... how was my night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
