I CAN MOONWALK!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
