How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
