I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What a dumb baby whore.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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