my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
