a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
