considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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