I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
